Euros spend 364 days a year mocking American date system but they’re out there in the streets wearing Jedi robes saying “Fourth May be with you” so who’s laughing now motherfuckers, you’re forced to turn a heartening affirmation into a haunting irreligious existential uncertainty

You, a troglodyte: “Show us some pics of you nose ring”

Me, grand master autism rizzlord: “post nasal drip”

Something I found out on this April Fool’s Day is that YouTube ads absolutely ruin the concept of the rickroll

Me: (clicks a shortener-disguised link, expecting to hear the delicious, iconic intro synth drum sting)

YouTube: NATURE VALLEY GRANOLA BARS

her: Give me your best cheesy pickup line

me: “Are you from the Ural Mountains? Cuz Ural I can think about lately!”

her: haha omg great

me: Thanks! I’d invite you to suck my cock, but I don’t think you’d want to because my Caucasus

*you have been unmatched*

It’s pronounced like “JIF” with a soft G because it stands for “[graphical interchan]Ge, I Format”

wait, no, I’m being handed a revision here, I apologize: it stands for Giraffeical Interchange Format

I cannot believe it folks. After trailing 17-2 at the half, Gimli, son of Glóin of the house of Durin has kicked a field goal as time expires to win Super Bowl Book III, Chapter VII, Helm’s Deep, by a score of 43-42. The Sindari fans in the stadium are simply heartbroken