Observations, found prose, and other miscellany, sporadically delivered for your edification. Comments welcome!
Amogus
Nothing can adequately encompass the pain of those of us who have been using and appreciating the word “sus” as short for “suspicious” since long before Among Us came out
pirate weeaboo betraying his mentor by calling out to some nearby constables:
“arrrh, notice me senpai”
Squid logistics
Squid and octopuses have mouths at the center of their tentacles so it stands to reason that the Splatoon girls have flapping non-functional pseudo-mouths on their faces but shove food into the tops of their heads
There’s more headline below the fold
…but I don’t think it adds much
Franziska’s gimmick
But Only in the Winter
If I were a billionaire I wouldn’t spend the money on brand-new Ferraris and race cars. I’d spend it on an old ice cream truck and then pay a Formula 1 team to overhaul it with supercar parts. Then I’d go to a racetrack to surprise and terrify people. Like, an ice cream truck, when all the ice cream is chucked out, could contain one hell of an enormous engine in the middle, couldn’t it? I guess I’m saying is that if I were a billionaire I’d be Jeremy Clarkson.
The Super-Villain We Need
There was an old brutal form of fencing called “Mensur”. It was popular in Germany and involved participants using sharp swords to cut exposed areas of the opponent’s face, protecting only the eyes, nose and forehead. The point was less to slice your opponent and more to prove your valor by slicing and being sliced without flinching. Scars from these duels were considered badges of honor. And it was popular with Hitler’s S.S. and other super-duper scary hardcore Nazis.
This all sounds pretty intense, until you realize that I am now hereby claiming copyright to an evil villain who is a Nazi war criminal with Mensur scars that form perfect adorable cat whiskers around his thin evil Nazi lips, and everyone laughs at him and calls him Herr Meizekatze. Marvel, DC, whoever, I am prepared to sell you this idea for $100 million up front as well as 15% on worldwide distribution and merchandising. DM me
Everyone’s a Critic
It’s great that Jim Carrey found art because he’s real good at it, as opposed to acting, in which he was, to quote MST3K’s Mike Nelson, “a mephitic harlequin cast down by a vengeful God to torment a weary world.”
We need to reschedule all drugs according to this new system.
ARTIST DRUGS (anyone can use, provided they are educated on how to use responsibly, ideally to inspire/energize you to make/do groovy things)
-Alcohol
-Marijuana
-Hallucinogens
-Coffee
-Biscotti
-Memes
ON THE FENCE (avoid these unless you are definitely making great art like a rock star or visionary poet or artist or something and don’t care if you die young and your art is your legacy, otherwise you should probably get fined or jailed)
-Cocaine
-Ketamine
-Opium (only under historically accurate 19th century conditions)
-Amphetamines
-Performance Art
DEFINITELY NO (no one ever managed to record a platinum album mostly while under the influence of any of these. Ban)
-Heroin
-Opiate Painkillers
-PCP
-Crack
-Meth
-Brown acid
-Krokodil
-History Channel reality TV shows
This all seems completely bulletproof.
The Algorithm Fails Again
Facebook, seriously, stop advertising Suboxone clinics to me. You should know that among my many problems and dysfunctions and neuroses, one of the few that does NOT apply is a HEROIN ADDICTION.